The singer chose to stay anonymous, so I am using Crossover Coloratura (CC) as the name.

Aimee: How did you get started in music? 

CC: It was something my family got me involved in. My dad was a strings music educator, so he got my sister and I involved with playing violin at a young age, so that was something that we did for fun. It wasn't like a regular thing because he wasn't strict about it. It was something we did together, which turned into group lessons with friends. Then it turned into piano lessons because that was just what they made me and my sister do for some reason. When I reached middle school, I went to public school and that's where I got to be in choir and the musical, and I took that very seriously. I was like “I'm going to audition for this musical,” and I practiced so hard for it. Then I got the leading role as a 7th grader, and I took it very seriously because I wanted to and I was inspired by older people doing the musical thing. Also, my mom was a worship leader at church, so I was around church music all the time, so hearing her play the guitar and my dad's teaching and the violin shop business, my music exposure happened to me in a really beautiful way. It has been an outward expression of how I best communicate, and I love communicating myself through music. Growing up in the church, I was very involved in contemporary worship and felt very close to God and my friends when we were making music and worshiping together, so I think it was just this emotional connection to God of I love you worshipping and singing.  

Aimee: That’s beautiful, when did you start voice lessons?  

CC: At the beginning of 6th grade, I started taking voice lessons. It was just church songs, and more so just a fun thing. Then in eighth grade, I got a new teacher, and that’s where I got more serious. 

Aimee: And when was your first introduction to classical singing?  

CC: It was when I was getting ready for college auditions. That was when I was like, “okay, I have to do this thing,” and I didn't understand what that meant. I just did it because it was always asked. Then I went to Wheaton, and didn't expect that that was what my time would look like. I don't think that's necessarily what I wanted, but that just what was required and asked of me, so I did that. I did do the Sight and Sound Conservatory program for a year during my undergrad, and that was a way for me to explore more musical theater. After I did that, I felt ready to go back. If there wasn't this system that you have to do this kind of thing, I would have definitely wanted to step more into that realm rather than the classical. However, because of the classical training in college, I didn't realize I was a high soprano, so as my voice developed, it felt most comfortable there. When I was singing all the musical theater repertoire, I was so comfy singing it, but when I started my classical training, it didn’t feel as good.  

Aimee: What was your performance experience like in high school?  

CC: I had a lot of leading roles; I was a big fish in a small pond. It’s a small community, so I didn’t feel like I was good, but my parents didn’t make me feel like I was exceptional. I enjoyed doing this, and I wanted to keep doing this, 

Aimee: What do you think was one of your favorite roles in high school that you performed? 

CC: Maria from the Sound of Music was my favorite. I had to take a lot of voice lessons specifically for it, but I think I was focused a lot less on the singing, even though it was a heavy singing role, but I was just so in love with the character development of Maria. 

Aimee: And what year did you do that? 

CC: That was senior year.  

Aimee: Did you do any summer performance opportunities during high school? 

CC: Maria was through a summer program thing; it was a regional show that four high schools in the area auditioned and did these summer shows. That was what gave me drive and ambition because there was an opportunity for me to do something because the high school shows weren't as excellent as this opportunity. We built community with one another because we grew up together from 8th grade doing all these summer shows together. That was a wonderful opportunity for us all to develop and grow. 

Aimee: That sounds like a great opportunity, now talk about your college audition experience, how many schools did you apply to? 

CC: I applied to four or five schools. After visiting a couple of secular institutions, big institutions, small ones, I decided to go with the small Christian liberal arts and that was more so because of the encouragement for my parents. That wasn't my own head knowledge, but I was ready to leave Pennsylvania and go somewhere if my parents were supportive of it. I see how that was a privilege for me to go out of state and for them to have paid my way. I've made my way through school because of my family, who sacrificed and allowed me to do that. The schools I applied to they weren't difficult schools, but I applied to Anderson University and Lebanon College. They were both small, so it wasn't difficult to get into. Wheaton was the top school and the hardest to get into, but it was the best fit that I applied to. 

Aimee: Did you do any shows in your first year at Wheaton?  

CC: No, I did not. It’s hard because the program is so small, and they usually give it to the seniors.  

Aimee: Then when did you leave for Sight and Sound? 

CC: I left for Sight and Sound in January. I started the program in January 2013 and ended it December 2013, so I was gone for two semesters. I was only at Wheaton for one semester and when I came back in the spring of the following year.

Aimee: What inspired you to apply to that, especially while you were in school? 

CC: I grew up going to see Sight and Sound every year and that inspired to want do that on stage. It was just everything that I loved like music, theater and faith that all came together. I just felt so inspired and moved every time I went as a kid. I knew I wanted to audition for this company. When this opportunity came, I said “I'm doing it hands down, no questions asked. This is what I'm doing.” It made no sense, but I had to do it. When I was there, they gave me the option to stay and audition again for the next year because at that time the Conservatory couldn’t guarantee people spots there, but I didn't audition because I wanted to go back to school, but my teacher at Sight and Sound was very encouraging and said I could come back and audition for them again. I always have this what if in the back of my mind if I would have stayed in my home state and pursued that opportunity that was presented in front of me and done something that I absolutely love versus doing something that my parents said I had to do like back to school and go through this program. But looking back that wasn't where my true passion was, but I'm also really grateful for that path because it led me on a very unique path. 

Aimee: When you returned, what show did you do and what was your role?  

CC: I was in Dido and Aeneas, and I played the second woman. 

Aimee: Did you enjoy the production since it was your first show at Wheaton? 

CC: I think I was just going through the motions, but I enjoyed it because it was relational, and it was musical and theatrical. It wasn't like “oh my gosh, this is the most amazing, incredible thing,” but I love creating art with people, I don't specifically remember Dido as being any turning point for me. I think Impresario was more a turning point because that's when I was given a big role that I didn't even know I could sing at that level of classical singing. I surprised my teacher and myself. At some point in my vocal process, it just clicked. 

Aimee: Between sophomore and junior year, did you do any sort of summer program? 

CC: I did Brevard before my junior year, and then they gave me a scholarship to come back the following year. The scholarship was not given in a way to highlight me because I still wasn't capable of being a lead, but they gave me the scholarship because they saw how hard I worked. I think they just liked me, but they typically give scholarship it's because they want you to be the leading character in the opera. That wasn't the fact they had me return to understudy Susanna. It was a very interesting experience with that; there were a lot of hard feelings that I didn't deserve to get that. 

Aimee: Did you have a role the first time you went? 

CC: The first summer, I had very small parts, like one of the three spirits in The Magic Flute, then I was in the ensemble for Street Scene and then this new contemporary opera.  

Aimee: Junior year you were cast in Impresario, how was your experience with that? 

CC: It definitely felt like a smaller deal because I had been a part of Sight and Sound, and my summer theater shows were this huge deal, but now I was at this little school program doing these little school things. I really enjoyed the music and the challenge of it. Regardless, I felt like it wasn't legitimate, working with director because he wasn't a real director, but I still enjoyed the process.

Aimee: Then senior year, you did The Magic Flute. Were you going for a queen when you were auditioning? 

CC: I don't really know what I was going for, but I think I was going for Papagena. I think Dr. Hart was really concerned about me doing Queen. 

Aimee: What was your experience with getting the role of the Queen of the Night, and then playing her? 

CC: I was excited, but I don't think I understood the task ahead of me. I didn't feel so supported by Dr. Hart in that she didn't really have me work it too much because she was just really concerned for me hurting myself or fatiguing myself, of course. I found that kind of odd and didn't ask her questions about it. I just did whatever was told of me, and I did it. I really enjoyed the challenge, and I thought and believe I could do it. I barely did it, but I did it, yes. 

Aimee: You definitely did it! Now, talk about your graduate school audition experience.

CC: I applied to University of Maryland, but I was waitlisted there. Then I applied to Arizona State University, but they really didn't offer me much of a scholarship. I liked their program because they had musical theater and opera. I auditioned for Cincinnati Conservatory, but I didn't get in. I auditioned at University of Michigan, but I didn’t get in at first. I had met David Daniels at Brevard my junior year because I had a voice lesson with him, and he was told me to apply because he’d love to work with me at Michigan. I'm like, “Okay, I'll do whatever you say, and I'll apply.” Then I applied and they did not give me an audition. So, David went on my behalf and said he really wants to hear this student can we put her through? He was really shocked as to why I didn't get past the prescreening auditions, but they gave me an audition because he requested it. I gave a really good audition, thank the Lord I got in, so that’s my story. 

Aimee: What roles did you have and what was your overall experience at Michigan? 

CC: I was in a French Baroque Opera, Orpheus, and I had a small role, and I enjoyed that experience a lot. We were really encouraged at Michigan to try new things, so once I got into that French opera, the early music director recruited me for other early music things. Then the early music and contemporary ensemble partnered together quite frequently, so then I got roped into contemporary stuff because of the early music connection. I kind of was the go to contemporary soprano for a couple of semesters, which I loved because I wasn't competitive enough to get roles, but Michigan is good about spreading the love, which I'm all about. Being in these ensembles allowed me to be on stage more. At Michigan, you were required to be in choir, and I didn't love how the conductor always treated sopranos. Even though I really disliked how I was treated in the choir environment, I still found that I'm a reliable musician, and people can count on me because I had all of these heavily collaborative experiences at Michigan, where I was really exposed with crazy contemporary solos that I just prayed that I had the right note. My experience wasn't perfect because I felt like I should have been doing more, but what I did do, I was grateful for and I felt like it stretched me in really good ways that I find value in now after school. School was not perfect, but I think no school is. I think that with the training that we do, I don't think school is all that imperative to be honest. If you have a good coach, just learn the rep, learn the languages, and that is all we need, right? But, I'm grateful for the collaborative environments that the school structure provided that I wouldn't be able to get anywhere else unless you have a bunch of money or have a bunch of friends who are willing to do it for free. I think it’s easy to take that for granted in a high professional environment. 

Aimee: Absolutely! Did you feel discouraged by the decrease in performances after undergrad? 

CC: I felt like an impostor in grade school, and I felt like I wasn't good enough, not only because I didn't get in, but because I had to prove myself to everyone, and I felt that I had to have all my things correct.  I wasn't singing great at that time, but I felt like I was really improving with David, but then I only had him for a year, so then I was studying with a new teacher in the year where I had a role in the fall semester, and then my recital my second semester. I didn't have support one because my support system was gone with David being gone and two my new teacher wasn't able to step in because she didn't believe in me in a way I felt David did. We were just getting things ready, but I was not really getting what I needed. It was just get this role ready, and get my concert ready, so I can do it and be done with it. It was just a get through season, and it wasn't productive for me vocally. 

Aimee: That’s tough, I’m sorry! I know you moved back to Wheaton after you graduated, what jobs and other performance opportunities did you get when you came back to that fall? 

CC: Well, I was just trusting I would get some jobs. I was doing a bunch of teaching in schools, which there was plenty of teaching to do, then I did some church gigging, which there were plenty of that in that area. The only role I got was with the Gilbert and Sullivan Chicago Company. I got Mabel, and it's not professional, but I think they paid me like $200 or $300 or something, but I got to learn the role and the conductor was extremely supportive and wonderful to work with. I got that role because I auditioned for the smaller sister parts, and then they gave me Mabel. Granted, not everyone had professional training in the ensemble, but they were like a delight to work with, and it was a way for me to do something in the area. But then COVID hit. Dr. Hart really encouraged me during that move. I think she saw that I was struggling, and needed support, and I did. I lived for free with some church people, so that really allowed me to explore just music and the freelance life for that season post graduate school. 

Aimee: Did you apply to any young artist programs that fall? 

CC: I think I did, and I had some auditions, but honestly, I forget what I auditioned for, but I definitely did auditions. During that season, I didn't feel ready, and that was a recurring theme for me. I'm never fully feel ready, like this repertoire isn't right, I don't love this repertoire, but it's the rep that I've been learning because that's what's been given to me, but it's not the CC stamp of who I am. I can do it, but I'm still not accomplishing it technically in a way that’s consistent. Every time I was auditioning, I hoped today was the consistent day, but it wasn't always. I auditioned for Wolf trap, Seagle, Des Moines, Shreveport Opera, and an early music one in California. I auditioned for several, and it was very eye opening. However, it was never consistent, and I didn't love what I was bringing to the table. 

Aimee: I can understand and resonate with that. So, a lot happened in 2020, COVID, a move to Michigan, getting married. What was the transition like and how did you keep hopeful during all those changes?

CC: I think my post grad school season was hopeful in terms of I was eager, ready, and excited about auditioning, and getting things going for myself being in Chicago, I think when the pandemic hit, I was doing a bunch of teaching, and I felt like things could have kept going like this. I was at a good point because I had Dr. Hart’s support, then I had the Mabel role. I felt like I could have kept gigging, and teaching if it weren't for the pandemic and that my career could have gone a little faster if weren't for the pandemic, right? During the pandemic, all of that motivation halted right out of grad school, and I was really not motivated and wanting to do all the YAPs because there have been seasons like right after Brevard where I am like “I am done with this; I’m so burnt out by this program.” They burnt me out completely and I really didn't want to do that, and I just felt like I wasn't competitive enough and I still feel like I don't have this desire to be perfect in every possible way to just to put myself out there amongst a swarm of sopranos and still not get anything. I really don't see how me, CC, with how I'm wired, how I perform, how I audition, that I will ever be prepped enough to win those kinds of auditions. I'm talking like YAPs and competitions and all of that. I think I'm still trying to come into myself, and asking what is it that I love singing? Where is my voice thriving? If I'm honest with myself, my voice loves singing that early music. I’m never tired after I sing early music and all that, but I think I'm still coming into myself. But I also want to challenge myself and not close off my options. I want to literally put myself everywhere, but I'm not putting myself everywhere. I want to be challenge myself to see what I can do because I need experience because I haven't had much experience. I haven't sung all the standard repertoire, or non-standard repertoire. There's so much I don't know and so much I haven't done, so I was asking God for opportunities. It doesn't matter if I'm paid for it or not; I just need experience.

             I think with COVID, it halted that motivation at grad school because I really wanted to be getting out there, but when we were nearing the end of pandemic, I was so motivated to do things because I was not doing the things that I said would to do, and I really feel passionate that I have to try this before I just poo poo it and regret it for the rest of my life. I took a job that wasn't musical for a season when I was in Holland, for about 5 months. That was also a season where I wasn't taking lessons. I was teaching voice lessons online, but less so because I had that job. I then got a community theater role, and it was Maria in The Sound of Music. That was the summer of 2021, and that meant the world to me because that was when I started going to counseling. I was starting to get help, and I was talking about these things. I was struggling with like “I'm in this new community, right?” The move was huge, and it was hard for me as musician to go into a community where it was pretty small, and people knew everyone, and you only get things because of who knows who. I had to make myself known, and I felt really uncomfortable with that because I felt like I had to prove it to myself what I could do and who I was.  I didn't have any recordings that I was proud of, and I didn’t have a website; I had nothing to prove that I'm a soprano and that I'm a classically trained, proficient performer. I had nothing to prove of myself, so I sang in churches. I sung in my own church with Eric (my husband), and I was doing some classical things. Then people started to take me a little bit seriously because they're like, “ohh, she's kind of good.” I think I had such a drive because it was like an angry drive. I was so mad that I had all this time wasted and that motivation was halted. I also felt like I wasn't supported because David wasn't in my life anymore, and I thought he was going to be the person that was going to be my supporter. Dr. Hart was supportive, but every time I would go to her, I would cry. I had this emotional reaction because I was just going through trauma, with music, school, and other things.

            I definitely had this angry drive that was like I must do this no matter what. It was very painful, and it was not an easy process to find opportunities and move into that. It took time. I didn't want anything to do with it for a long time, but we were in a new town. I was just newly married. I didn't have a job. I was depressed. There was a lot of healing that had to take place for me to realize, “come on, get your crap together, and let's start taking small steps.” Those small steps were singing in churches. Even though that wasn't successful and wasn't always paid right. And then the next thing you know, one person at another church who was a musician and who collaborates with other musicians, she got me this Messiah gig where she's playing organ for me, and I sang the Messiah solos with this not great choir. It was an interesting opportunity, but I got the chance to sing Handel's Messiah for the first time in front of an audience and they paid me. Not decent, but something at least, and I got to learn the repertoire. I started gaining more connections because of the small things I did and the community theater show got me in connection with music teachers in the area, and then from that, I started teaching private lessons at a school. Then because I auditioned for opera Grand Rapids, I met two pianists and other choristers in the area, and one of choristers has a small nonprofit in Holland, and she does opera performances.  It's has taken time for people to hear me. A guy at our church, he's an orchestra teacher in the area who is very active in our church music. He started this Holland Bach society three years ago, and it was the same year he moved here. I told him how interested I was in singing, and Eric was like she’s a really good soprano. Granted, he didn't give me the solo that year, but I was in the ensemble, and then he got to hear me sing in church one day, and said, “ohh, like she could do this.” Then he gave me a solo the second year they did this, which was last year and that's where the violinist heard me, and she's the concert master of the Symphony in town.

            All that to say, it just took singing in church, being okay with that, being proud of myself for the little progress I made to going to counseling and talking about the struggles I was having around school and the trauma I faced in school. We talked about my desire to perform, but nothing was happening, but the musical theater community theater role was huge. Also, stopping my non-musical terrible job was good because I knew I wanted to do musical things. Then the Lord provided me the opportunity to be the operations manager for the community choir in town, which was great! I really did not have any hope for living in Holland because it was a small town compared to living in. I was like, “I'm not going to get any work.” But I've been getting some work, and I've been getting opportunities to learn that challenging rep that’s pushing me.

            I feel like if I'm ever in a situation where I'm not being pushed, and I don't have something to hold on to in that way, I think I will go crazy. I think it's hard because I felt like I had to make those opportunities happen for myself. I had to have all the willpower to make all of that happen. I had to have the willpower to finally find a new audition piece or pull out that old audition piece that I hate singing, even though it's the only thing I have. I hated it and despised the system and everyone around me that I had to make everything happen. I have to financially make it happen, and I have to pay for my lessons, and find a good pianist and. I was so emotionally drained by having to do that on my own because I felt like no one believed in me, felt like no one was on my side, and at times it all, it almost felt like only I believed in myself. Well, maybe my grandmother and Eric. No one knew I could do diddly squat, and now I have recordings that I'm proud on my website that shows my best.

            I'm at that point where I really don't have the desire and drive to do the typical path of YAPs and competitions because I'm not competitive enough to do the standard route. I think it's going to have to be me reaching out, giving them my resume, some recordings, and saying "Hey, if you ever need me, here’s my info.” I think I'm starved for more; I don't want to just be a local singer, and I want to prove to myself and to others that I am capable of not just being a local singer. I really want that for myself, and I don't know if that's healthy, but I think part of that is I think that it's okay that I have a drive and a desire to do more.

             I think too my faith has had an impact on the way I think about wanting things and realizing that I've just been really passive in the way that I think about myself and the way I think about my singing. I realize now how much time I invested in just being so careful and right and Christian about things instead doing my very best. I wasn’t shown what it looks like to step in to your full powerful self and to give your very best performance because I felt like that conflicts with what it means to be a supportive colleague and a Christian woman. I feel like I had this negative, unrealistic talk going through my mind all through school saying, “you can be good, but you can't be really good because you still have to be really nice and you still have to be a good colleague.” For some reason, I didn't feel like I stepped in the way of “I'm gonna do my very darndest, and I'm gonna study for the glory of God,” because that can be really glorifying for me to when I go after something hard. I didn't understand that, and in grad school, even at a secular institution, I felt like my role was I must be a good colleague and supportive to my studio people, but there was just something holding me back from stepping into my best. I don't think I ever allowed myself to do that for the sake of being a good colleague. 

            I think I would really enjoy a full performance career; it would be thrilling and exciting because I love the newness of an experience and traveling. However, I don't know how to get there, and I don't know if I ever will. I probably won't because I'm in a committed relationship now, even though he's supportive, it's different when you're single, and we just see a lot of people who are successful, but they typically are not married. I think I also want there to be freedom in our marriage to spread our wings, and to do the things that come our way. But what does that look like for us? 

I think I'm just, I'm constantly confused in this stage of life because I have to have the willpower to make things happen, to make the rep happen, to make lessons happen, whatever it is, you know. But also, I don't know what I'm doing because there is no plan. 

Aimee: Thanks for sharing all that and for being so honest. That sounds like quite the journey. Now, what is something you haven't achieved yet that will make you feel like you are successful in music? 

CC: Such a hard question! I want one more role at a Regional opera company, and I want to audition for the summers stock company that's in town. I’d love to challenge myself to be able to do a theatre role in a professional environment and work with theatre people. There's also this bug in me to experience and be a part of music internationally, even if it's just Eric and I are going on his sabbatical, and I just do some random gig. I think there are these experiences that I kind of want to say I did, but I still I think I don't know exactly what I love to do. I feel like I have to figure it out by doing everything and honestly saying yes to everything.  

Aimee: I completely understand! Do you think there are ways that the industry can make it more equitable for sopranos in the future? 

CC: It isn't fair, but I don't know the answer because a company doesn't need two sopranos. They just won't want that for their young artist program. It just sucks.  I have no resolution other than to say is there a way we can do this healthier? I think there is. 

We can do this healthier. I think our school systems can be healthier in letting singers diversify their repertoire, which is a big step. There is more knowledge and training in the contemporary field now. Not enough at all, but like we're just getting into that. I think it's going to be so different soon. I would love to see there be healthier ways we approach the field with more open mindedness, rather than this is what you do. I don't know. I think my story I fell into this, and I didn't choose it for myself. I was told what to do, and I did it. It wasn't until I became my own person, and I wasn't studying under someone, that I started to have my own thoughts, opinions and feelings about how I was treated in those situations. I think it's challenging being a professional singer because nowadays we have to be like wizards and have many tools in our tool belt, whether it be you know, getting your doctorate, getting a teaching degree, doing Alexander technique, or being good at marketing. These things that make us marketable, it's not just about the singer, because no one's getting full time jobs doing that. It’s you know someone, or you know no one. Also, this schedule of living a freelance life holy bucket is not sustainable. I'm not making enough money, but it's a good thing I have a husband who makes a good wage. Everyone told us in school that we weren't going to make money. They didn't fool us, but it's challenging, and I don't know all the answers. 

Aimee: I agree with all that! Thanks for sharing CC, your insight and story is so inspiring!